When asked in a recent interview with Punch how
a woman can have a successful marriage, actress
Omotola said she doesn't believe in gender
equality and women should understand that men
are the heads of the family. Omotola has been
married for 18 years so I think she qualifies to
advise other women. What she said below...
I don’t believe in gender equality. I do not
believe that God made man and woman to
be equal in any way. I believe that in every
organised institution, there is always a head
and an assistant. It doesn’t mean that one
should take the other for granted, or
disrespect the other. I believe the husband
is the head of the home and the wife is an
assistant. My husband is a pilot, I have
flown with him several times and I
understood that here is a captain and a co-
pilot. They are both responsible for the
passengers’ lives. But when there is a final
decision to make, it is up to the captain to
make it. He is more experienced and the
one with the responsibility. But any mature
captain will not ignore his co-pilot because
the co-pilot is not a cabin attendant. He is
there for a reason. It just depends on how
you understand and play your roles. I
believe women should understand this.
When a woman starts a struggle for power
tussle with him, it tends to cause friction in
the home. The woman should give the man
the respect as the head of the home and
also prove herself as a worthy co-pilot. He
needs to see you as a reliable co-pilot.
Continue..
Sometimes, he may not be the one running
the house day-to-day, you are the one to
take decisions but you have to do it in such
a manner that he is comfortable enough to
see you as someone he can rely on. When
you have a proud and egocentric husband,
hand him over to God. If you feel like your
life is being threatened, or that of your
children, get yourself out of that situation.
You owe your children that. Try separation
for a while, but before that, you must have
tried other things. I do not believe that
people should throw in the towel in their
marriage at every flimsy excuse. You must
have been a diligent wife and tried prayers
and intervention. If all those fail, then you
can remove yourself from that situation.
Also, couples should be friends and
communicate. What we call love sometimes
fizzles out. True love comes from
friendship. When you don’t feel those initial
sparks, friendship is what keeps you
together, until when the spark comes again.
What was the initial attraction?
Matthew: She was beautiful, fresh and untouched.
I decided to start with someone who hadn’t seen
the world yet.
Omotola: He was good looking but basically, it
was his sense of humour and sense of
responsibility. He is God-fearing too and a
serious-minded person.
When did you propose to her?
Matthew: We didn’t court. I met her when she
was 16 and I was 26. We got married when she
was 18. She clocked 36 recently. We were family
friends and I met her through my elder sister. She
used to come around the house and when she
turned 18, I decided she was ripe. I told her I
would marry her and she didn’t believe. I went to
tell her late mother, who said I should wait till
after four years because Tola had just gained
admission to the university then. I told the
mother that I couldn’t wait because I didn’t trust
the guys in the university.
How did he propose?
Omotola: That was when I turned 18. We had
been friends for about two years. He was like a
family friend then but I knew he had some plans.
He didn’t say anything serious and I was
somehow underage. When I turned 18, on my
birthday, he jokingly said, ‘babes you don grow
o.’ He told me his plan.
Were you scared of getting married then?
Omotola: I wasn’t. I have always been very
mature for my age. But otherwise, I had already
known him for so long and was very comfortable
with him. I just knew that life with him would be
comfortable and easy. I didn’t know I would
conform to a marriage setting because my mother
used to tell me that I was very headstrong. I just
thank God that I found someone who could
understand me.
How has the journey been for 18 years?
Omotola: Nothing has changed really. It is still
the same relaxed, easy-going relationship. There
are times when we have misunderstandings but it
is never anything serious or unbelievably scary. It
has been the grace and fear of God. Everything
results in what God thinks about the situations
and we pray about it. Everyone is conscious of
the fact that we must respect God in the
relationship and then your spouse. We don’t just
do things. Secondly, we are very grounded and
real. We try the best we can to make everything
natural. We don’t stress ourselves.
How did you manage the fame?
Omotola: It is just by God’s grace. If a couple
cooperates with God, then He gives them the
grace to tolerate each other.
How do you react to alleged scandals about your
wife?
Matthew: I have heard and seen a lot that were
untrue about her. I trust her. I know they will
always write a lot of nonsense, why should I
bother myself?
How do you feel when she plays romantic roles in
movies?
Matthew: They are all make-believe. They are not
real and most of her movies are pecks and not
kisses. I told her not to cross that boundary.
What are the secrets of your successful
marriage?
Matthew: It is God’s grace. We are disciplined
and prayerful.
Omotola: It has to be God. There is no other
strategy. One person can be perfect and the
second person can be nasty. On our part, I’d say
also that we don’t look at the relationship as
something we can walk away from. We look at it
as a life commitment. When you parents upset
you, you cannot divorce them. Even the bible
says you will leave your father and your mother
and cleave to your spouse. Luckily, he doesn’t
drink or smoke or abuse me. I don’t have any
major thing to complain about, and I hope it is
the same thing for him.
Do you quarrel?
Matthew: Yes we do. A lot. She is very
argumentative. She always wants to be right. You
can never win an argument with her. But she is
the first to apologise.
Omotola: When there is a quarrel, I usually
apologise first. He doesn’t say sorry. Overtime, I
have come to realise that it is an ego problem.
Even when he knows he is wrong, he will rather
do every other thing or buy things for me than
say, ‘I’m sorry.’ Fortunately, the ‘sorrys’ are not
too many. He is very responsible and more
hardworking than me. By God’s grace, we have
been able to understand our routine.
What is your advice to celebrity couples?
Matthew: Foundation really matters. Some people
get into the relationship for one wrong motive or
the other. Most of them live false lives. Couples
that are in the same profession hardly last in a
marriage. There is always competition. The best
thing is to marry someone that is compatible with
you.
What are the reasons for break up in celebrity
marriages?
Omotola: It is really hard but you both have to
feel extremely secure. You have to be extremely
confident and trust each other. There are so many
things to deal with, especially in this environment
where some people just thrive in hurting other
people. The weird part is that you cannot believe
that people are capable of such wickedness. You
are sane and cannot believe other people are
insane. These are the things that cause break up
in celebrity marriages. A lot of people are talking
and saying nasty things that are not true. It is
just as if there is a gang up to break you up once
they know you are a celebrity or in a relationship.
Most times, they are all lies! Celebrity lifestyle
gossip is getting to a point where they are
getting close to your kids and family. They try to
put your relationship in jeopardy. Then, petty
things that wouldn’t cause any problems become
issues. I hope there would be legislation that will
protect families.
Have you ever felt threatened by her success?
Matthew: There is no reason or room for it. When
I met her, she was just Omotola Jalade, and she
had done just one movie. I am happy for her.
When I met her, she was just getting into the
movie industry. I always encourage her and hope
for the best. I don’t feel threatened in any way.
How do you switch from the lifestyle of a
celebrity to that of a wife?
Omotola: It is easy for me. It starts with who you
truly are. The real me is not very glamorous.
People may not believe it. I know what people’s
perception can be. I am a homely person. If I had
my way, I wouldn’t go out. When I am at home, I
am Omotola. When I am with my close friends, we
don’t impress each other and we try to keep it
very real.
With the children, who is stricter?
Matthew: She is. We are blessed with kids that
behave themselves. We do not have children that
are into all sort of funny things.
How about the recent warning to bloggers about
your daughter’s pictures?
Matthew: I do not know why they would do that
but it is just another lesson for the kids to be
very careful about what they put out there.
Actually, she did it with the intent of exchanging
with her friends, not knowing that people will get
into her private business. We have told her to
take down all the pictures and leave only one.
How do you handle finance in your marriage?
Matthew: When we first started, we had one
account. We had goals and things that we wanted
to do. Whatever we earned had to be in one
purse. Then, we sat at the end of the month and
drew a budget. We did that for so many years
and were successful until she started her own
company and we decided she needed to have her
own account. In most marriages, the man goes
into the marriage with the mindset that he will be
the sole provider even when the wife is working.
That does not make any sense. He uses his
money to pay bills while the woman will use hers
to buy only make-up, clothes and shoes. If the
couple is one, they should join resources together
to move ahead. Money causes problems in a
family when one person is being selfish. It
doesn’t matter who earns more or less. They
should have a common goal. Save together and
accomplish things together.
Omotola: When we first started, we used to have
a joint account and I was in charge of the
finances. But as time went on, he started
expanding. He has his own businesses and I
have my own too. It is very difficult keeping a
joint account. One of the things that scare
couples about finance is trust. Luckily for us, we
do not have vices. The trust is intact and I know
how he spends money. He is more organised
than I am. He has his budgets and it is always
open. Sometimes, he even tells his kids to go
and look at his budget because he is trying to
teach them how to make budgets. Pilots are
every meticulous about schedules. For that
reason, his life is almost boring because
everything is to the letter. I am the one who never
has a budget because I am a spontaneous
person. But he knows I am not a trivial person. I
don’t just go about buying jewellery. That’s why I
don’t have many girlfriends because I don’t talk
about those things girls talk about. I am like a
dude. I am always checking out cars or
properties. He knows the kind of things I would
invest my money on.
Read the rest of the interview on Punch
No comments:
Post a Comment